Katherine Heigl recently opened up about the repercussions of being labeled “difficult” and “unprofessional” in Hollywood, a designation that effectively put her on the blacklist.

Heigl stated that the backlash had a significant impact on her mental health, and that she “scared” her family and friends during her anxious moments.

Katherine withdrew her name from an Emmy candidacy in 2008, claiming that the Grey’s Anatomy scripts she’d been given didn’t deserve the honor, and she also criticized the portrayal of female characters in Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up. The actress has now spoken out about how all of this affected her mental health as well as her career path.

“I may have said a couple of things you didn’t like,” Heigl told the Washington Post, “but then that escalated to ‘she’s ungrateful,’ then that escalated to ‘she’s difficult,’ and that escalated to ‘she’s unprofessional.'”

Adding: “What is your definition of difficult? Somebody with an opinion that you don’t like? Now, I’m 42, and that s** pisses me off.”

She also stated that she was advised to remain silent at the time, but she felt compelled to apologize, only to find that the more she apologized, the worse the situation became.

“At the time, I was just quickly told to shut the fuck up. The more I said I was sorry, the more they wanted it,” Heigl continued. “The more terrified and scared I was of doing something wrong, the more I came across like I had really done something horribly wrong.”

Heigl went on to discuss the backlash she received at the time. Her friends and relatives were also “scared” of her deteriorating mental state, saying:

“I regret deeply that I scared them like that,” she said, “but I just couldn’t control it. I had no tools.”

Katherine also said that she asked her mother and husband to assist her in finding a therapist, which she described as a “life-changing” experience. “I asked my mom and husband to find me somewhere to go that could help me because I felt like I would rather be dead,” she reminisced heartbreakingly. “I didn’t realise how much anxiety I was living with until I got so bad that I had to really seek help. You can do a lot of inner soul work, but I’m a big fan of Zoloft.”

Heigl also stated that she recognizes that her ambition was not inappropriate and that it does not make her any less of a woman. She is much more affectionate towards herself after treatment and the passing of so many years, saying:

“I’ve grown into accepting that ambition is not a dirty word, and that it doesn’t make me less of a feminine, loving, nurturing woman to be ambitious and have big dreams and big goals. It’s easier to be happy because I have a little more gentleness for myself.”

Katherine’s most recent production, Firefly Lane, will be available on Netflix on February 2nd.