Nicole Kidman has earned a place in Hollywood history with her Oscar-winning acting and onscreen presence, but it’s her high-profile marriages to Tom Cruise and Keith Urban that continue to make news. In the December issue of Vanity Fair, the actress opens up about her relationships with both men.

Nicole Kidman has discussed her 11-year marriage to Tom Cruise, describing it as “very intoxicating.”

“I was so young. And you know, with no disrespect to what I had with Tom, I’ve met my great love now. And I really did not know if that was going to happen,” Kidman told the magazine. “I wanted it, but I didn’t want it for a while, because I didn’t want to jump from one relationship to another. I had a lot of time alone, which was really, really good, because I was a child, really, when I got married. And I needed to grow up.”

Kidman, whose future projects include Colin Firth’s The Railway Man and Grace of Monaco, in which she plays Grace Kelly, spoke about the degree of fame she experienced when married to Cruise.

“There is something about that sort of existence that, if you really focus on each other and you’re in that bubble, it’s very intoxicating, because it’s just the two of you,” Kidman said. “And there is only one other person that’s going through it. So it brings you very close, and it’s deeply romantic. I’m sure Brad and Angelina have that — because there’s nobody else that understands it except that person who’s sleeping right next to you.”

Now that the blonde beauty is married to her “great love,” country star Keith Urban, she claims her excessive fame has subsided—much to her relief!

“Having experienced extreme fame and now getting to a place where it’s not so dominating in my life, I’m always surprised when I go somewhere and people know who I am.”

Despite this, she claims she had a low point during her divorce from Cruise. She was filming The Hours, in which she played Virginia Woolf, which won her an Academy Award nomination for best actress. While filming the moment in which she was asked to re-enact the author’s suicide, she claims she had a wake-up call.

“Walking into the river with those stones in my pockets — I chose life,” she says. “At the time, I was at a low point, and by playing her, it put me into a place of appreciating life.”

Kidman compared the way Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie must feel in the limelight to how fame damaged her 11-year marriage.

“I have stepped away from the fame part of it. I didn’t find what I was looking for in fame. So I went, O.K., this is not for me. And it was such a blessing that I found somebody who said, ‘Well, are you willing to move to Tennessee?’ And I was ‘Oh, am I willing to move!’”

Kidman and her two kids now live in Nashville with her husband, country musician Keith Urban.

Kidman married Cruise when she was only 23 years old, in 1990. Before splitting, they had adopted two children, Isabella and Connor. It’s reasonable to assume that their Days of Thunder fame made things harder for them.